


The Cold, The Dead, and The Undeniably Alive

by Ofactor200



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, BAMF Lily Evans Potter, Cruciatus, F/M, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, JK Rowling Never Does Anything Right, M/M, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, POV James Potter, POV Lily Evans Potter, POV Regulus Black, POV Remus Lupin, POV Sirius Black, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Regulus Black Lives, Regulus Black Needs a Hug, Regulus Black-centric, Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, Unforgivable Curses (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ofactor200/pseuds/Ofactor200
Summary: Regulus Black survives his mission impossible for a horcrux, and now he needs help. Good thing Sirius's friends are relatively open-minded.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Severus Snape, Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 78
Kudos: 341





	1. In Cold Water

**Author's Note:**

> jk Rowling deserves to have her characters taken away from her. This is a self-indulgent fic, so please excuse that.

Regulus POV 

The chill of the water surrounding Regulus Black made his bones freeze. He had never known pain quite like this, even when his mother used the Cruciatus on him. His whole body screamed in agony, and he struggled with the hands grabbing at him, tearing at his arms and legs, dragging, keeping him underwater.  
His lungs shrieked. He gulped in water, trying to reach the surface.  
Regulus hadn't planned on surviving, in all honesty. It as just a luxury he hoped to achieve.  
Another hand, much smaller than the slick ones digging deep into his flesh, grabbed his wrist, and he felt himself being sucked inward.  
There was air against his skin again. There was so much screaming echoing around right in his ears, filling his head, begging and crying.  
He hit the floor hard, palms smacking the ground.  
Chest burning, he choked, heaving up a stomachful of dark water.  
Through his haze of pain, he could just barely hear his house-elf, Kreacher, crying. "Master!" he wailed in his deep croaky voice, "Master Regulus, breathe!"  
Regulus tried, coughed up more water, and found it easier to inhale, taking a few gasping breaths as Kreacher sobbed, nearly as hard as himself, by his side.  
"Master must say something!"  
Regulus couldn't bring himself to speak. He was beginning to recognize his surroundings, though they faded in and out of sight, colors appearing brighter and dimmer than they should.  
He was in the kitchen of one of his family's summer homes, on his hands and knees, sobbing.  
Kreacher hugged himself. His master was crying, shivering, half-drowned, and he didn't know what to do.  
"Master must get help," he whimpered. "Miss Narcissa—"  
Regulus coughed. "Krracher, no—"  
Narcissa couldn't know. No one could. No one on the Dark Lord's side, at least.  
"Please," Kreacher begged.  
"Sirius," Regulus said, trying to shake the visions, poison still boiling through his blood. "I have to tell Sirius."  
The silence told him enough. Kreacher didn't think that was a good idea.  
Regulus didn't care. He stood, unable to see.  
"Master, no—!"  
But Regulus had already disapparated. 

_______________  
James POV

James Potter lay on his back on Sirius's couch. It was very uncomfortable. He reminded himself to buy his mates a new couch when this was all over.  
Harry had been driving his young parents up the wall. They had heard nothing but crying for a week on end, and finally, Lily had told James to just go so she could do this herself, with the promise that when he got back, it would be her turn for a break.  
And so here James was, on Padfoot and Moony's couch, staring at the ceiling at 10:50 at night.  
Remus had fallen asleep with his head on the kitchen table. He'd had a habit of sleeping at desks since school, and James was used to it.  
And Sirius was asleep— he assumed —in his room.  
James sighed and closed his eyes.  
CRACK!  
He leapt to his feet— on the couch —and drew his wand.  
A man was standing in the sitting room with him.  
Sirius's little brother was sopping wet. He was scraped up, bleeding, and white as a sheet.  
"I'm sorry…" he spoke breathlessly. "I was looking… for— I'm looking for Sirius…"  
He went from white to grey, and fell.  
James stared. He was still standing on the couch, wand drawn.  
Remus, ever the heavy sleeper, hadn't moved.  
James swallowed, "I'm too old for this," he whispered.


	2. Inconveniencing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius, Remus, and James trying to figure out wtf is going on. I love these boys so much, you don't understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer.

James POV

The water dripping off Regulus's limp, unconscious body was creating a wet mark on the carpet. 

James hopped off the couch.

Reaching down, he gingerly took the young man's wrist in his fingers to check for pulse, the way Lily had taught him that time when Peter fell off a broom.

He was alive, heart racing.

James turned his hand over and recoiled, dropping Regulus's arm quickly.

The Dark Mark was shining clear on his pale arm. 

James took a deep breath. He walked into the kitchen, alert for any type of movement behind him.

Laying a gentle hand on Remus's back, he hissed, "Moony!"

It took a few tries, but eventually Lupin awoke, bleary-eyed and angry. "What— what do you want?"

"Before I say anything," James said quietly, "I want you to not freak out. Everything is fine."

Remus stared at him. "What the fuck is going on, James?"

"There's an unconscious Death Eater on your sitting room floor." 

Remus sat up like a spring. "What—?"

"Shh!" James growled. He wanted a chance to figure out what was going on before Sirius freaked out.

He lead Moony into the living room.

Remus stared at the figure on his floor for a full fifteen seconds.

"I'm… not sure what to do in this situation."

James had to agree. "He said he wanted to see Sirius. Should… I wake him up?"

Remus opened his mouth to respond, but then Regulus moved. 

They both instinctively shot back a few steps. 

"IT'S ALIVE—!"

"Shut— UP!"

Remus ran forward and grabbed the catatonic Death Eater. "Sirius!"

____________

Sirius POV

Sirius awoke to James nudging him in the arm. He opened his eyes, and saw him standing over his bed, mouth pinched.

"Nngh… What's going on?"

James's eyes were wild.

Sirius was fully awake now. "What's wrong?"

"We have it under control."

Sirius blinked. That wasn't reassuring. "What's wrong?" he asked again. 

"Your brother's here."

Sirius jumped out of bed. "What?! Are you kidding? What did he do?!"

"Pass out. Now he's crying."

Nothing made sense. They ran back out of the bedroom and into the living room, where Remus was doing his best to steady a trembling, soaked, weeping little brother.

He was wearing all black— no surprise there —but it was strange. They were muggle clothes, something Sirius and his friends often wore, but Regulus wouldn't be caught dead in them. As far as he knew.

"Regulus— what the fuck —what are you doing here?"

Regulus didn't respond. 

"He won't answer us either," Remus told Sirius. His expression was hard. "Just keeps saying he wants to talk to you."

Sirius bent down cautiously. Even if Black the younger had come to talk to him, he was still a Death Eater(Sirius's stomach tightened at the thought).

Regulus was looking at the ground. Or maybe not—his eyes weren't focused. He was muttering. 

"Regulus," Sirius pried. This was insane. "Reg—for fucks sake, Regulus, what happened—?"

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean—for this… it was a mistake, I told Bella not to…"

Sirius stared, alarmed, at his brother's face, but he didn't seem to be talking to him—or anyone.

"He's gone mad," James whispered. 

Regulus's breaths were short. Sirius wondered if he was having trouble breathing. 

"Can we get him onto the couch?"

Remus looked at him. His face was blank, but he was clearly thinking, 'are you mad now?'

"I know—just—get him up—"

James leaned down and lifted Regulus easily. Apparently he weighed no more than Sirius remembered. 

Sirius watched as he winced, and curled in on himself. He noticed that he was bleeding. Bruises were beginning to form everywhere he could see.

"Regulus," he whispered. "What in fucking shit happened to you?"

______________  
Remus POV

Remus was too tired for this shit. Everything was going to hell, and now Padfoot's Death Eater baby brother was sitting on is couch.

Despite Regulus Black's new alliances, Remus found he still wanted to still wanted to help him. He still remembered the little boy he occasionally saw in the halls of Hogwarts, quick with a joke to his older brother's expense, then gone.

Well. If they got him fixed up, maybe they'd get some answers.

Regulus looked like death. Literal death. Remus noticed how short, and ragged his breaths were. Not good.

"Moony, go get a wash cloth."

Remus looked at Sirius.

Sirius had a look of worry on his face, which he usually tried to conceal—something about not having human emotions.

"Yep."

He got a rag from the kitchen, and Sirius grabbed it and stuck it on Regulus's right arm, which had a deep gash across it, leaking blood onto his hand.

"The cut's on his right," James pointed out. He hadn't spoken in a few minutes. "So he couldn't have done it himself."

Sirius jerked his head towards James. "What are you—?" He paused. "Are you suggesting he slit his own arm open?"

"Well, if it was on the left."

Sirius pursed his lips. "He's left handed," he said quietly.

Remus went cold.

James paled. "Oh," he squeaked, "oh shit—"

Regulus was quiet now, but he was trying to wrench his arm away from Sirius's grip. He looked truly pathetic, and his breathing was harsh and gravely. 

Remus had definitely had enough of that.

"He has something in his lungs," he decided.

""What?" James asked.

"Out of the way," Remus ordered Sirius calmly. He felt less than calm. He pulled Regulus over his arm. "Watch out," he advised and pounded as hard as he could on Regulus's back. 

Regulus coughed, and water came up.

Sirius, clutching his head with both hands, began shouting. "What the fuck, what the fuck, WHAT THE FUCK—!"

Remus pushed Regulus back down, and Sirius resumed putting pressure on the cut.

What the hell. That was what Remus wanted to know. What the hell happened to this guy, and why did he have water in his lungs.

"I want to know what in the fuck got him wearing muggle clothes," Padfoot mumbled.

"Don't we all," Remus agreed.

"Out of all the things I'm wondering about," James spoke, "clothes are at the bottom of the list."

A fair statement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully I"ll get a 3rd chapter out tomorrow. please leave a comment on the way out, I seek attention.


	3. Anger and Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets things done, Regulus is angsty, Sirius is sad, and James is a dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY EASTER! This chapter is SLIGHTLY longer. I'm working on chapter 4 now.

Regulus POV

The visions of torture and abandonment had been roaring through Regulus's head for anywhere from twenty-four hours, to twenty-four minutes.

He'd heard—hazy and echoing—voices around him that didn't seem to be from his poisoning.

He'd seen James Potter—of course it was Potter. He looked that same as he did at sixteen—before he was overcome again, so it was safe to assume that it was him, and possibly someone else talking. 

The visions were beginning to die down, but the living room he was now seeing was blurry, bright and dark at the same time. 

Now he could see the people around him.

Potter was sitting on the arm of the couch by his feet, and his brother was kneeling on the ground.

Lupin—looking as much of a wreck as he remembered—stooped over his head, arms crossed.

They all appeared to have their attention focused on him.

"What are we going to do now?" Potter asked in his friend's direction.

"We get him to talk," Sirius said curtly. He was pressing a wash cloth to Regulus's arm.

Lupin laughed humorlessly. "Easier said than done."

Regulus blinked his eyes, willing them to focus. They didn't. "…What?"

Sirius looked him in the face. "'Ya hearing me?"

"Yeah."

All three of them sat forward slightly. 

"Reg, what the hell happened to you?" Sirius demanded. His voice held a hint of steel. "Why are you here?"

Regulus almost groaned. This was the part he was dreading. 

How the fuck do I even begin explaining this? 'Hey, bro, we haven't spoken on civil terms for three years, but I'm a dumbass and regretting my decisions, so I stole a horcrux and now I don't know what to do with it. Could you and your pals help me out?'

"I barely understood a word of that."

Oh shit.

He'd said that out loud. 

They were all looking at him like he was insane. He didn't blame them.

"Look," he said, with effort. "… I'm… really sorry. I didn't know who else to go to. Bella would definitely turn me in… Andy isn't speaking to me… Cissa can't know about this…"

Sirius was shaking his head. "What the… you're rambling, bitch." He looked at Potter. "Do you have any idea what he's talking about?"

James made a face that conveyed, 'why the fuck would I know what he's talking about?'

They looked at Lupin.

Lupin was picking at one of the scars on his face. "Horcrux. Feel like I've heard that somewhere…"

"What's a horcrux?" Sirius prompted. 

Regulus shook his head. What's a horcrux. He didn't even want to think about that.

Suddenly the necklace in is pocket felt much heavier.

He was about to try explaining himself, but Potter tapped Sirius on the shoulder.

Sirius looked up at him.

Potter nodded his head towards the doorway, and Sirius got up, throwing the bloodied rag he was holding at Lupin, who caught it, looking mildly annoyed. 

The two of them disappeared form the room, and Lupin took Regulus's arm in his hand.

Regulus pulled away.

Lupin grabbed harder. "You're bleeding again," he explained.

Regulus looked down. The slash he'd cut in his arm was, indeed bleeding. He hesitantly let Lupin press the cloth to it.

Regulus gritted his teeth. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't have let Remus touch him at all, but this was a special case, he guessed.

Occasionally, he could still hear crying, or voices. None of them seemed to be coming from anywhere around him.

"So are you going to tell us what's going on?"

Lupin looked tired. That wasn't particularly surprising. He had always looked slightly sick, even back at Hogwarts.

Regulus bit his lip. "I made a… mistake."

"Oh?" One of Lupin's eyebrows were raised. "Another?"

Then he half-smiled. Apparently Regulus had made a face. 

His expression turned serious again. "What happened?"

What hadn't happened? 

Regulus took a deep breath. He was acutely aware of the Dark Mark on his arm. He wanted to tear it off with his fingernails.

"I'm sure Sirius told you. What I did in seventh year."

Lupin's expression was deadpan. "He did."

Regulus couldn't tell what he was thinking, and it worried him. He continued, trying to stay calm, "Well… it wasn't… my idea."

Lupin just looked at him, but Regulus felt himself getting frustrated. 

"I'm not making excuses," he said. "I'm—I'm not. I know everything I did—or didn't do is—my fault. But if I don't do something—" he paused, and his hand twitched. He stopped himself from touching the locket. whatever that was, it felt much more evil than just encasing a piece of soul.

"What are you saying?" Lupin asked finally. "You're done? With the Death Eaters?"

If only he could just be done. 

"Yeah," he confirmed. "I am."

_______________  
James POV

When James and Sirius left Remus and Regulus, and entered the kitchen, James turned to see Sirius looking apprehensive. 

"What?"

"He's seriously fucked up."

Padfoot grimaced. "This is no time for puns."

"It wasn't—" James sighed. "It wasn't a pun. I'm not kidding. Either he's drugged up, and that's why he can't put sentences together, or joining up with the other side really did… knock a screw loose."

Sirius looked at the ground. 

James felt bad. He hated seeing his best mate upset like this, especially when it pertained to family. He'd seen it before. Oh, had he seen it before. And it hurt. Both of them.

"I know you don't want to think about it," he said carefully. "But there is a confirmed Death Eater right in the other room. We should be careful. And we should tell McGonagall."

Sirius looked up at him with those pale grey eyes. "I know," he mumbled. "I just wish we could get the whole story. And I wish my brother wasn't an idiot twink all the time. I wish we could figure this out."

James put a hand on Sirius's arm. "We will," he told him.

Sirius looked doubtful.

"Hey—we will! We'll find out what's going on, and and do something from there."

Sirius nodded his head. "Yeah. Okay." He looked into James's eyes again. "But I don't wan't to tell McGonagall. Not yet."

James frowned. "Okay. We'll wait."

"Thank you."

He meant it. James knew that.

Remus walked in. 

Sirius looked startled. "Did you leave him alone?"

"He's not going anywhere," Remus responded dismissively. "He's starting to talk better, though. It honestly looks like he was drugged."

"That's worrying," Sirius said, brow furrowed. "As far as I'm aware, my dear old brother is, was, and always will be allergic to fun. If he's hopped up on something, its not on purpose."

"He talked to you more?" James inquired. "What did he say?"

"He told me what he wanted."

"And? What was it?"

"Out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lily next chapter:)))
> 
> pls comment and leave kudos on your way out.


	4. And The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long! I got distracted. Read a novel in 24 hours. That kinda got me out of the HP vibe, but I'm back now, and excited to write Lily.

Sirius POV

"Out?" Sirius half-gasped. "Like. Out of it all, out?"

"Yeah," Remus answered. "Seemed genuine, too." His face went stony. "No way to know, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Veretaserum is out of the market. Gone."

Sirius frowned. Then he rolled his eyes. "Great. So we have no way of knowing if he's going to hex us. Wonderful."

He felt awful. This was the opposite of what he wanted to be doing at 11:00 at night. As good—yes, good, he'd admit it—it felt to see his baby brother, this was not how he'd wanted it to go. 

Remus took a long, measured breath. "I want him to be telling the truth as much as you do—"

"--Yeah, I know—"

"—But, I'm just saying—"

"Wait." James held up a hand. Than he pushed his glasses up his nose, the way he always did when he had an idea. Usually, it was a movement isolated to proposals for pranks at Hogwarts. One time, it resulted in Remus fighting Severus Snape in a dumpster.

"I know where we can get veretaserum."

"Where?" asked Remus.

"Lily."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Lily?"

"Yeah! She's been brewing that shit in our basement in her free time, and she said it's almost done."

"W-why does Lily brew veretaserum in your basement?" Remus stuttered.

"It's a hobby. Just because you didn't even get a passing grade in potions—"

"Shut up," Remus grumbled quickly, face slightly red. "Just shut up. Do you think that's a good idea? To let him near Lily and Harry when we don't know if he's dangerous?"

"It's Regulus," Sirius pointed out. "I can stop him by sitting on him."

"And Lily's capable of taking care of him," James said. "And herself. And Prongslet will be fine."

"Okay," Remus surrendered. "We'll take him to Lily. And we'll contact Peter at some point. He should know what's going on."

"Definitely," James agreed.

Sirius took a few steps and looked around the corner at Regulus.

Regulus was staring at the floor. His raven hair was plastered to his forehead, and the couch was sopping. The bruises had fully taken shape now—a few on his face, one blooming angrily on his neck and shoulder. Sirius could see some of his arms, and they were covered in deep purple marks. 

He shuddered, and walked back over to him. "Can you stand?" he asked. 

Regulus stared up at him, lips pursed. "Well—"

"I'll take that as a 'no.'"

"I don't know. And you didn't let me finish."

He could talk now. Too much.

"Don't worry about it. I need you to listen to me."

Reg huffed. It appeared he was more-or-less back to his old self, flaws and all.

"Remus told me what you said."

Regulus bit his lip. He pulled down his shirt sleeve.

"If you really want out of this, we're going to need some proof."

Regulus nodded. "How?"

"You remember Lily Evans?" Sirius inquired.

"…Yes."

"Evans Potter, now," James piped. He and Moony were standing behind Sirius. "We're married. And she recently made a batch of veretaserum. We thought we'd have you try it out."

Regulus looked slightly surprised. "You're married?" Then he smiled a little, and muttered something under his breath. The smile was gone quickly. "Veretaserum..?" He inhaled. "…That's fair."

He looked a little nervous. It made Sirius angry. If he was telling the truth, he shouldn't be nervous.

"Grab my arm," he told him.

Regulus did, and he pulled him to his feet. 

He stumbled, and Sirius caught him. 

"Hang onto me," he ordered. 

Regulus winced as Sirius held onto his arm. It must really hurt.

James took out his wand. "You understand, right?"

Regulus nodded. 

"Alright. Lets go."

The Potter's house was quiet.

They'd apparated into the living room, and Lily was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, gripping a mug with white knuckles.

"Jesus—christ, boys!" she exclaimed in a half-whisper. "You scared the shit out of me." She growled. "If you woke Harry—"

"I know," James said quickly. "I'm sorry. It's important."

Lily saw Regulus, stall hanging onto his brother for support. 

"Uh—"

"I'll explain everything," James told her. "We need veretaserum."

Lily frowned. Her dark red hair was flowing freely past her shoulders. She had dark circles under her eyes, typical for parents spending long nights awake with their infant.

She narrowed her eyes. "You always find trouble at the most inconvenient time, don't you?"

"Well, technically, he found us," James countered.

"Doesn't matter. Come into the kitchen."

They did as they were told.

"I'll fill you in as we grab the potion," James said, ushering her out of the room.

She sneered. She'd never been a delight when sleep-depraved, and now she looked over her shoulder at them.

Her bright eyes were critical.

Sirius knew they were going to get an earful when they got back.

Remus, who had taken out his wand to cover Regulus, made him sit at the table. 

Regulus swayed slightly.

Sirius didn't blame him. It was almost midnight now, and he was tired.

As they waited for Lily and James to return, Sirius tried not to think about what his brother might say under veretaserum. There were many, many doubts he had about Regulus Black, but there were a few thoughts that genuinely frightened him.

What had happened to him? What if he was lying? And what did he know about the spy?

The spy. It had caused distrust in The Order for over a month. Information secluded to The Order Of The Phoenix meetings was being slipped to Voldemort's army, and no one knew who was doing it.

What if one of his friends was the culprit? What if it was Remus?

He couldn't lie. The thought had crossed his mind before, and kept intruding on his brain like an unwelcome house guest. 

Sirius had told Peter about his suspicions.

Peter had been shocked.

Of course, he was a little easily impressed, but it felt good to confide in someone, especially someone who he knew, and who knew him as well as Pettigrew.

After all, he couldn't tell James or Lily.

They came back, breaking him out of his thoughts.

It seemed Lily had been caught up on the situation, because she said to Regulus, "If you turn out to be lying, you will die for so much as being in the same house as my son."

Regulus said nothing, but just looked at her.

James grabbed a mug from the cupboard, filled it with water, and dropped some liquid in a vial into it. 

He slid it across the table to Regulus. "Drink up."

Regulus took a deep breath, as if steeling himself, then grabbed the mug and drank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lmao another cliffhanger.
> 
> comment and leave suggestions of what you would like to see.


	5. You Can't Handle The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kinda boring, but it was necessary and has some angsty bs so enjoy.

Remus POV

It took only a few seconds for the veretaserum to take effect. 

Remus said nothing. It was only fair that Sirius should get the first question. 

He asked, “Is everything you told us true?”

“Yes,” Regulus answered immediately.

Sirius’s shoulders visibly relaxed. 

Remus felt a swell of happiness. With all the people the war had destroyed—at least this kid had gotten away for the most part. 

He wished he could say the same for him and Sirius.

“Why did you show up soaked?” James asked.

“I almost drowned.”

There was a moment of tense silence. 

“What?” Sirius said. 

Regulus had a funny look on his face. “I almost drowned,” he repeated.

“We already knew that,” Remus pointed out. “He was choking on water, remember?”

Sirius huffed. “I love you,” he said, “but please shut up.”

Remus was silent. It wasn’t often that Sirius told him to be quiet.

“Why did you almost drown?” Prongs asked.

He was holding hands with Lily.

Regulus was quiet for a beat. The expression he wore was odd, and it took Remus a moment to identify it. Then he realized.

Oh.

He was afraid. 

Not just afraid. Completely terrified.

“I had to find the locket,” he said.

They didn’t have to ask ‘what locket?’ because he kept going:

“I decided I didn’t want to be part of it. Any of it. And… I knew I could do something about it.” He was trying not to look at them. Grey eyes flitted across the table.

Remus felt his chest tighten. Regulus was trying to tell them what happened, but was struggling hard. 

“I—uh—“

“Slowly,” Remus told him calmly. “Just keep going.”

Sirius snapped at him. “We don’t have time for ’slowly’,” he claimed. “This is important.”

“I know. Just let him talk, please.”

Sirius scowled, then looked back at his brother.

Remus’s ears were filled with roaring. Sirius never made that face at him. 

He turned his attention back to Regulus with some difficulty.

“The Dark Lord is the most powerful wizard in the world,” Regulus said. “Without a doubt.”

“What about Dumbledore?” Lily pointed out. “I’d say he’s a little more powerful.”

Regulus was shaking his head. “No,” he disagreed weakly. “Not anymore. Thats what I’m saying. I don’t know if he was really ever under Dumbledore’s thumb. There are ways of ensuring. Lengthy life… or an infallible one…”

James pulled a face. “Immortality? You’re kidding, right?”

Regulus picked up the mug and tapped it on the table pointedly with a thunking sound.

Fuck. REALLY fuck. This was bad. Regulus went on:

“He’s made a horcrux… but I don’t even know if this is the only one.”

“You said you stole one?” Sirius remembered. “What the hell is a horcrux?”

Another odd expression crossed the younger Black’s face. He looked nervous, and mildly disgusted. “Fucking horrible is what they are.”

He brought his hand—unconsciously is seemed to Remus—to his arm, where he knew The Mark lay. 

He said, “It’s POSSIBLE to split a soul into pieces. Doing this makes it so that if you’re killed, some of your soul still survives, and renders you immortal, in a sense. It’s dark magic. The soul fragment is kept in an object called a horcrux. Please, please do not make me tell you how they’re made.”

Remus grimaced, a look mirrored on his friends. “So Voldemort made a horcrux? Or multiple?”

Regulus nodded. “I don’t know what to do with the one I got… it has to be destroyed, but I don’t know how.”

“How did you manage to steal it?” Sirius asked. “If it holds a piece of Voldemort’s ACTUAL soul, wasn’t it heavily guarded?”

He sounded a little disbelieving.

Regulus chuckled, but there was no humor in the sound. “Yes,” he said bitterly. “It was.”

“How?”

Remus hated to look on Regulus’s face. It was haunted—a look he’d seen on Sirius, when he’d read letters from home, or on himself on occasion, looking in the mirror after a bad moon.

He didn’t want to make Regulus relive whatever was making him tremble so badly.

He looked at James, who’s face said the same thing. 

(The two of them were jokingly referred to as Mummy and Daddy, for Remus’s urge to encourage, and James’s tendency to baby all his friends).

But Sirius wanted the whole story. It was his way of showing concern, but it was obviously negatively effecting his brother.

Thankfully, Lily stepped in, interrupting Regulus’s compulsion to tell the truth. 

“The veretaserum should wear off in 10 seconds or so. Last question.”

Sirius changed it up. Coldly, he asked,”What’s the worst thing you’ve done as a Death Eater?”

Regulus visibly panicked. His eyes went wild like a cornered animal’s. He made a choking noise, and bit down on his lower lip—REALLY hard.

Blood dripped down his chin. 

The room erupted into chaos.

“Sirius, stop—!” Lily cried.

“I’m sorry—“

Remus put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder as James ran to get another towel, and Sirius looked up at him.

He really was sorry. His eyes were sad, and regretful. 

“I had to know,” he whispered.

“I know,” Remus mumbled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry if it seems like Sirius is being a bit of a dick in this, but I felt there was a good reason. 
> 
> Sirius in my headcanon deals with stress by lashing out. he wants to be comforted, but doesn't want others to be around him. He's worried about his brother, and scared about the rest of his friends.
> 
> It will get better.
> 
> PLEASE COMMENT :)


	6. Alliance Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LILY LILY LILY LI-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only part of a chapter, because I don’t have it finished but wanted to update.

Lily POV

Lily had never spoken to Regulus Black. 

She had seen him every once in a while in the corridors of Hogwarts, but had never so much as said hello, or made eye contact. 

Most of what she knew about him was from Sirius’s point of view, which she knew to be a little biased at the best of times.

She had nothing against Slytherins— unlike Sirius, and to an extent, James— but she knew how they could be. 

Maybe that wasn’t fair. House drama was school drama, and they weren’t in school anymore. 

It had been a little while since the veretaserum had worn off, and Lily had made Regulus sit in the couch. 

She wasn’t 100% sure she trusted him— he had joined Voldemort’s army, no matter how much he regretted it— but right now, she was busy thinking about what he said. 

She had never heard of horcruxes before, though from Regulus Black’s explanation, magic that dark definitely wouldn't have been taught at Hogwarts. And she didn’t routinely go around looking for ways to achieve immortality, no matter what James said. 

James and Remus were talking quietly in the kitchen. 

Lily assumed the conversation was about Sirius. 

Sirius, shaken, had retreated into Harry’s room, something he did when he was thinking, or upset. 

Lily went to find him. 

He was standing, looking fondly down at the baby, a little sadly. 

The streetlamp outside outlined his silhouette with an orange haze. 

“This is the longest he’s ever slept,” Lily remarked quietly. 

A smile played on his lips. He brushed black hair away from his forehead. “He laughs in his sleep.”

“Yeah... I’ve noticed that too.”

They looked down at Harry in silence for a long time. 

Then Sirius asked, “Where’s Regulus?”

“He’s on the couch. I tried to get him to lie down, but he didn’t seem too keen on it.” 

Sirius crossed his arms, still staring at Harry. 

“What are you thinking?” she asked. 

He sighed, looked at her, then away again. “Lots of things,” he decided. “I didn’t get all my questions answered. I’m glad that he isn’t as bloody stupid as he was, and that he changed his mind, but I’m still angry, you know? I want to know why.”

Lily nudged him gently. “You know James and Remus Wouldn’t have let you push him. We have more veretaserum, anyway.”

“He could’ve handled it,” Sirius said, but with and unsure undertone. “I guess I just wanted to know so badly... I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she acknowledged. “It’s not me you should apologize to, if at all. Besides, maybe he’s IS tougher than you remember.”

That got a laugh out of him, but his face turned grim again. “What about... our other problem?”

She knew he meant the spy. 

The idea of someone PRETENDING to be working for the order was really bothering him, mire than the others. God knew he was just dramatic enough to take it out on his friends. 

“We could just ask him,” she suggested. 

Sirius sighed. His silver eyes were still on the baby. “You're too smart for your own good, Evans.” 

“I know,” she replied with a shrug. “It’s hard.”

She popped him on the shoulder and walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m typing this on my way home from a funeral.
> 
> Thank you for waiting this long! Comments are appreciated


	7. Alliance Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> very short chapter! I hope you enjoy this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao me updating???? in this timeline??????
> 
> I haven't been in a Harry Potter mood lately, due to some personal things(deaths, my dog included) and I"m also rereading h- home- ho- *whispers* h o m e s t u c k

Lily POV

It was a chilly night, and Lily pulled her dressing gown tighter around herself as she walked down the hall— she still hadn't changed.

Regulus was sitting limply on the couch, staring at the opposite wall. His lip was split open where he had bit it, but it wasn't bleeding anymore at least. 

After a moment's hesitation, Lily sat down in the armchair nearby. It was the chair her husband had claimed when they had first moved. 

Regulus's pale eyes shifted slowly to her, like he was afraid she would attack him. 

"We haven't had a proper introduction," she told him. "I suppose we should change that." She held out her hand. "Lily Potter."

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards for a second, and he took her hand. "Regulus Arcturus Black," he said flatly.

They shook, and his hand retreated back inwards. 

Remus walked into the room, hands in his hair.

"Where's James?" Lily asked. 

"Sirius," Remus answered simply, moving to stand at the other side of the room. 

Lily gestured to the seat by her questioningly. 

He shook his head.

Sirius and James entered the room a second later, and there was silence.

James breathed in through his nose tensely. "Now that we're all here," he said, a little quietly, "what now?"

There were a few more beats of silence. 

"We should probably tell McGonagall," Lily suggested suddenly very sure. "Now that we know he's telling the truth."

Regulus Black's mouth turned down at the sides— though from what she'd seen, that was normal for him.

He said nothing.

"McGonagall will know what to do," James agreed, always loyal to his transfiguration teacher. "We should go see her before the rest of The Order, anyway."

"Or before Dumbledore," Regulus mumbled.

"Peter," Remus spoke. "We have to find a way to contact Peter."

Everyone began nodding in agreement.

"No."

Regulus was glaring out from under his bangs.

"Why not?' Sirius demanded angrily. "He's got a right to know, he's one of us."

"No," Regulus repeated, with more emphasis this time. "Not Pettigrew. You honestly think he can keep a secret? He's always had a loose tongue. NOT Pettigrew."

James growled. 

Lily could feel her face getting red. Peter was their friend, and she wouldn't have this Death Eater telling them he wasn't trustworthy.

"He's been in The Order along with us from the start," she snapped.

"And he's said NOTHING," James backed her up. "He wouldn't."

Regulus smiled, the fist smile since he'd gotten there, and Lily suppressed a shudder. Then was angry with herself for needing to do so. It was just fucking Regulus.

But there was something about his features— so close to Sirius, and yet tweaked slightly so that they were unsettling. 

Sirius had dark, dark hair, contrasted against pale, pale skin, and on him it looked elegant, and not particularly out of the ordinary. 

On Regulus, it looked wrong. White skin, the color of milk, like he hadn't see the sun in years. 

Sirius's eyes were silver, and glittery, and Lily wasn't ashamed to say beautiful. Regulus's were— honestly —the same eyes, but in his face, they were cold. Penetrating. Startling.

Lily didn't like them. 

Even the way Regulus Black moved was odd. Like a corpse walking, silently, but lumbering, like he couldn't be bothered to pick himself up off the floor.

Lily REALLY didn't like that.

Sirius walked quietly too. It was probably a tactic to avoid their parents. 

But now Regulus was smiling. 

"Wouldn't he?" he asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are appreciated as always!<33


	8. When In Doubt Ask McGonagall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey did you know that Regulus Black died when he was seventeen?:)

Regulus POV

There was a ringing silence. 

And then the room exploded.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” Sirius shouted at the same time that James started forward, looking like he was about to grab Regulus by the collar of his dark shirt. 

Regulus flinched back, but James seemed to regain control of himself. 

“You came. Into my house,” he said through clenched teeth. “With my wife and son-“

“And you tell us not to trust our friend?!” Lily interrupted. She had always been a spitfire, as far as Regulus could remember, and that wasn’t much. “You’re a Death Eater! We know what you’ve said is true, but we don’t know if you had an ulterior motive. So do not-“ she jabbed a finger at him, “-expect us to value your opinion!”

Regulus set his jaw. The wrath of a protective mother. He’d seen it in action, though now it was from a much kinder-seeming individual woman than Walburga. But it still presented a problem. 

He needed a way to calm them down enough to listen to him.

‘I’m surrounded by Gryffindores,’ he thought. 

The bruises covering his whole body caused him to ache all over. His heart was still beating incredibly fast.

Looking at Sirius, he became angry. He won’t listen. Regulus knows he won’t, because he’s too damn loyal to think logically.

“What are you saying?” The voice belongs to Lupin. It’s cold. Concealing a rage hidden just beneath the surface. His eyes are just as icy. 

Regulus sat still, slumped on the Potters’ couch. His mind is racing. “I’m saying,” he says slowly, “that maybe we should be careful. You have a spy. Yes?”

Sirius was shaking. “Yes,” he said tensely, anger seeping out of him and into the room. 

“No doubt He-“ Regulus sneered the word like a curse, “-would like to choose someone inconspicuous. It’s an obvious tactic.”  
“And you think Peter is a spy?!” Lily demanded. 

“No way,” James said, “ just no way.” 

“I’m saying,” Regulus said carefully, voice low, “that perhaps you should be careful with your order members. There are five of us in the room right now. We don’t need another.”

“Fuck you,” Sirius spat. “Fuck you, Regulus. He’s our friend. If you don’t like it, you can go back to your blood-purist family, and go fuck yourself.”

Regulus inhaled, but Lily interrupted.

“We should.. leave Peter out of it,” she said slowly. “... for now.”

“What?!” Sirius almost shouted.

“Lily-“ Lupin stammered stammered.

Lily Potter glanced at Regulus. She looked at little angry still. “... I think its—wise—to keep things in this room. I don’t pretend to know our plan—“ again she shot a brief glare at Regulus—“or yours, or what we plan on going with this horcrux thing, but if we tell anyone, it should be McGonagall. And.... maybe we should diminish risks.”

After she fell silent, everyone else remained so as well. 

‘Good,’ thought Regulus, ‘ at least they’re not all stupid.’

Sirius looked furious. His hands were shaking. 

Finally:

“Wouldn’t McGonagall tell Dumbledore?” Regulus asked. 

James shifted, but said, “I’ll ask her not to.”

“Why’s that..?” Lupin inquired, frowning.

Pottter adjusted his glasses. “It’s... Dumbledore. I trust him but....”

He didn’t finish the sentence.

Sirius scowled at the ground, and Potter stared at it as well. 

“... How are we going to contact McGonagall?” Lupin asked after a tense moment. “Owls will attract attention.”

“That’s the last thing we want,” Lily said. Her mouth was pulled into a tight line. “But James—“ she looked at her husband “—you sometimes owl her anyway... so perhaps one letter wouldn’t be out of the ordinary.”

“S’true,” Potter admitted. 

Regulus raised an eyebrow. “You owl her?”

“Yeah,” Potter replied a little defensively. “We talk.”

‘Alright,’ Regulus thought. He wouldn’t have thought Minerva McGonagall to have been friendly in that way. But if her and Potter did speak regularly, then maybe it wasn’t far-fetched for him to for discretion, and her to listen. 

Regulus’ a chest felt tight. He wondering if he was panicking, or if the inferi hands done more damage than he thought. The scratches hurt like hell. Though almost thoroughly dry, the chill of the water was still in his bones. 

“And she’ll comply?” Regulus asked. 

“Maybe,” Potter shrugged. He didn’t seem eager to answer questions clearly. 

Sirius was still silent. It worried Regulus, though he understood why, and he had a few more important things to attend to. 

“‘Maybe’ isn’t good enough.”

“It will have to be,” Lupin spoke in an icy tone. “Unless we want to tell Dumbledore, which a few of us have expressed distaste in, McGonagall is our best choice. She’s all we’ve got.”

Regulus bit his lip. He was right. But he still didn’t like it. 

There was a short silence. 

“So that;s it then,” said Sirius, his voice loud in the quiet room. “We’re contacting McGonagall.... for.. what?”

“Advice,” Lupin suggested in a bit of an annoyed tone. “What to do with—“

Regulus tensed.

“—it, and what to do next.” And maybe when to contact Peter, maybe. He’d be in more danger than he needs to be, if we brought him into a situation like this avoidably.” 

Sirius nodded. There was something in his eyes, something hard. He was glaring at Lupin, but then looked away. 

That wasn’t right. 

Regulus shook it off. If Lupin and his brother were having some sort of spat, it wasn’t his problem. 

“We should owl McGonagall,” Lily said, “and tell her to be by the fire at some point tomorrow night.” 

“That could work,” Regulus said quietly.

James left and came back quickly with parchment. 

“What time of would you say?” 

“Midnight?” Lilly suggested. “Be brief.”

“I know.” Potter thoughtfully tapped the parchment he’d sat on the coffee table. “I’m thinking a little later than midnight...”

“Then why’d you ask?”

He just looked at her. 

“Write the damn letter.”

As he began writing, a loud crying also began. 

Regulus jumped violently, and everyone’s heads turned to the hallway. 

“I’ll get him,” Lupin said, starting forward. 

“I’ll get him,” Sirius interjected, going past Lupin a with a little more force than necessary.

Potter watch with uncomfortable eyes. 

Lily followed Sirius. 

Regulus looked at Lupin, questioning. 

Lupin held his gaze, then turned to Potter. 

“What are you writing?”

“‘Fireplace, 2:30 am.’”

“That’s it?” 

“Red said to be brief.”

Regulus cringed inwardly at him still calling his adult wife “Red”, and then his attention was drawn by her walking out, holding a baby, who was still wailing. 

Regulus had forgotten they were parents until the child had began screaming. 

“Taking him into the kitchen,” she said as she passed Potter. 

The screaming was hurting Regulus’s head. He wanted to tear it off. 

“So if you—we—won’t be contacting McGonagall until tomorrow—“ he winced. Talking wasn’t doing his headache any favors— “then what do we do untill then?”

Remus POV

Harry was beginning to calm down. 

James looked up at him in light of the younger Black’s question. 

“We wait.” 

James made an “Are You Stupid?” face.

Remus’s heart was sinking. He knew what Black meant—he meant “what am I supposed to do?”

Remus didn’t know. He said, “you’re going to need to stay somewhere until 2 am tomorrow. Do you have ideas..?”

Regulus was quiet. He was trembling slightly, which was little concerning, but Remus didn’t pay it much attention. 

“I should probably go home,” Regulus said hesitantly.

“Home?” Prongs scoffed. “Grimmauld Place?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” James was scowling. 

“Won’t raise so much suspicion.”

That was true, but Remus wasn’t convinced. “That’s it?”

“I should see Kreacher as well.”

“Kreacher.” James was giving Regulus a look of disbelief. “Your house-elf.”

Regulus nodded. “He was... with me. I should make sure he’s okay. I ran out on him with no warning.”

Remus and James looked at each other. 

“Fine,” James said. “We’ll get you back. You shouldn’t be apparating.”

Remus looked towards the hallway. Sirius still hadn’t come back.

“Don’t try telling anyone while you’re there,” James growled. 

Regulus’s lip curled. “Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Who knows.”

Lily came through, holding her sleeping baby. “What’s going on?”

“We’re taking him home,” Remus said. “His parents will be waiting.” 

Regulus paled. 

Lily huffed. “Alright. Have fun. Don’t die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remus: there is only one thing worse than a death eater *moves paper to reveal “child death eater”*  
> Sirius, pointing at Regulus: a child  
> Remus: no  
> ——————-  
> This chapter is mostly filling things in and planning, next chapter will be more character and plot driven.
> 
> Also remember that Sirius suspects that Remus is the spy:).
> 
> Leave a comment of yours ideas!

**Author's Note:**

> no idea how long this will be, so that's fun. The chapters will be pretty short fyi.
> 
> comment on your way out ;))


End file.
